Falcons in Flight Over the Great Black Swamp

Fall classes have commenced at Great Black Swamp University. The weather isn’t very autumnal yet, but maybe it will be by sometime in midwinter.

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The Hound of Heaven

I had a dream the other night about Lennie Briscoe, intrepid dog detective. He was still alive, but ailing. We consulted an innovative and probably deranged veterinarian who replaced Lennie’s ruined organic spine with a cybernetic one and also (for some reason) his left eye. The vet said that he could replace all of Lennie’s living tissue with mechanical equivalents so that Lennie could live an indefinitely long life.

I was disturbed. What kind of life would that be for him, never to feel? (Even if it meant he could never suffer the way he suffered on the night before his death.) Still. Lennie forever. For me, that’s pretty close to, “Heaven is real and you can go there.”

It was a rough choice. I was still pondering it for a few minutes after I awoke. Then I realized that it wasn’t my choice to make—that Lennie was gone.

A goofy boxer dog rolling in the grass. The caption "Dignity... Always dignity..."
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Actaeons Have Consequences

“διὰ τί, πολλῶν ὄντων ἐν Ῥώμῃ ναῶν Ἀρτέμιδος, εἰς μόνον τὸν ἐν τῷ καλουμένῳ Πατρικίῳ στενωπῷ ἄνδρες οὐκ εἰσίασιν;”

ἢ διὰ τὸν λεγόμενον μῦθον; γυναῖκα γὰρ αὐτόθι τὴν θεὸν σεβομένην βιαζόμενός τις ὑπὸ τῶν κυνῶν διεσπάσθη, καὶ ἀπὸ τούτου δεισιδαιμονίας γενομένης ἄνδρες οὐκ εἰσίασιν.

—Plutarch, Quaestiones Romanae

“Why, of all the temples of Diana in Rome, is there one in the Vicus Patricius where men do not enter?”

Is it because of this story that’s told? In that place a man assaulted a woman dedicated to the goddess and was torn to pieces by dogs and (because a fear of the gods arose from this) men don’t go in there.

This reminded me of the Actaeon story, with some significant differences.

As told by Ovid (Metamorphoses 3.138-250), Actaeon makes an innocent mistake and happens upon Diana (Greek Artemis) while she’s bathing naked in a pool. She transforms him into a deer and he’s hunted to death by his own dogs.

A man in hunting gear who has the head of a stag looks perplexedly at a group of naked women in a bath, one of whom is giving him the Death Stare.
Jean Mignon (after Luca Penna), “The Metamorphosis of Actaeon”

Ovid seems to shape his stories of the gods to make them more culpable, and maybe Plutarch’s story suggests another (earlier? later?) version where Actaeon’s metamorphosis is due to actual crimes on his part (assault and blasphemy), rather than the whim of an offended deity.

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Eldritch Lore of Lightning, Stars, and Magic

On Facebook, Michael Swanwick mentioned a historical (or maybe apocryphal) episode when the Pope invited Etruscan seers to use lightning magic to defend Rome against Alaric and his Ostrogoths. It’s a pretty good story, whether or not it’s actually history. Here’s the ultimate source (in an anonymous 1814 translation).

Pompeianus, the prefect of the city, accidentally met with some persons who were come to Rome from Tuscany, and related that a town called Neveia had delivered itself from extreme danger, the Barbarians having been repulsed from it by storms of thunder and lightning, which was caused by the devotion of its inhabitants to the gods, in the ancient mode of worship. Having discoursed with these men, he performed all that was in his power according to the books of the chief priests.

Recollecting, however, the opinions that were then prevalent, he resolved to proceed with greater caution, and proposed the whole affair to the bishop of the city, whose name was Innocentius. Preferring the preservation of the city to his own private opinion, he gave them permission to do privately whatever they knew to be convenient.

They declared however that what they were able to do would be of no utility, unless the public and customary sacrifices were performed, and unless the senate ascended to the capitol, performing there, and in the different markets of the city, all that was essential. But no person daring to join in the ancient religious ordinances, they dismissed the men who were come from Tuscany, and applied themselves to the endeavouring to appease the Barbarians in the best possible manner.

Zosimus 5.41.1-3 (public domain version available in a few places, but the best version is at Livius.org here; an unfortunately fuzzy scan of the Greek text here)

Swanwick also mentioned his secondary source: an old paper in Classical Weekly by a guy named Eugene S. McCartney.

I looked up the McCartney paper and found that it unlocked the door to a treasurehouse of dusty wonders. As I wrote in gratitude to Swanwick, “With my right hand I’m hardwiring the copious references into my Monsters, Ghosts, and Magic course, while my left hand loots their weird magic to deploy in future tales of sword-and-sorcery.”

This McCartney guy was an absolute maniac for weird classical folklore, and published a lot of serialized papers in Classical Weekly and elsewhere. (Imagine getting to the cliffhanger of an academic article and waiting with bated breath for a whole week until you can read the exciting conclusion. Those were the heroic days of academic publishing.) I wasted a lot of time this afternoon downloading the installments from JSTOR, then thought to look on archive dot org for booklength work by McCartney.

There’s some there, and it looks interesting. But I found that a fellow-enthusiast named Robert Bedrosian had already assembled in single file the scattered installments of ESM’s folklore papers and kindly uploaded it. A great read for people who are into this stuff, which includes all my various personalities

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Vote No On Issue 1

Portrait of the Artist as an Old Man Remembering the Past and Looking to the Future After Having Voted NO on Issue 1. And a Glass of Water.

The text says it.
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I’m Somebody Now!

“The new phone book’s here! The new phone book’s here!”

a photo of the compact Oxford English Dictionary
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My Object All Sublime

Typo of the day is snicjkered, which I take to be an especially insidious style of snickering.

e.g. “He didn’t just snicker at me–he snicjkered! So I impaled him on my snickersnee.”

A guy with unkempt hair and hairy legs wielding a sword too long to be a snickersnee. The image is captioned by a line from Gilbert & Sullivan's The Mikado: "I drew my snickersnee".
Ko-Ko drawing his snickersnee in The Mikado. Artists unknown; image found here.
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Writing Music

Some bluesy piano to cool off a hot July afternoon.

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Activity Dog

A fairly typical photo of Reuben Sandwich (PhD, MVP, DOG): lying on someone’s foot, waiting for something to fall from the table, taking a refreshing nap, with a toy near at hand (or tooth).

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Antiquus sed Bonus

Igpay Atinlay by Antgray Idersnay.

by Grant Snider at Incidental Comics
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